Welcome to April, 2012. Here comes baseball. Bring your mitt. And watch for the spitter.
Still feeling pretty good. Just wanted to make some quick notes before I try and get some sleep. Tomorrow's a big day. Job interview in the afternoon. A step in the right direction. I feel good about it; confident. I think it's a job that I can do. And I think it will lead to bigger and better things. Somehow. It's all going to work out. I just have a gut feeling on this.
Returning to work is a milestone type of step in my recovery. I don't think I would have been able to be ready for this transition if I hadn't taken the time and did the work to aid my own recovery. That meant leaving a secure, well paying job with a lot of benefits. But the benefit I needed I couldn't get from that job. So it had to go. And so did I. I don't regret leaving the City. But I wouldn't rule out returning, either.
It's been a rough time, being unemployed the last 20 months, waiting for PERS to make a decision and help us out financially, monitoring my mood and my sleep and my hygiene. I needed the time to find myself again, to stabilize my medications and my spirit. I can't tell you what it was that has made me feel whole again, but I don't think it was any one single thing. It was a lot of things-- regular attendance at support groups; writing and blogging and approaching my dreams of making a career of my writing and art; regular check ups with my doctors and therapists; lots of rest and riding out of depression and the blahs, the muddying of the colors in my world. I've done a lot of things, stretched myself, put myself out there. I remember how frightened I was when I first started this blog-- scared that I'd start writing and would overnight lose my privacy to hundreds if not thousands of people clamoring for my autograph. Now, I would like more people, more traffic at my blog than I've been able to attract and am doing things to try and build a platform and an audience.
It's all a part of the networking, like rivers, or mycelium, or the internet. A web of connections that holds greater concepts together, makes a fabric of knowledge and wisdom. We weave with our efforts of living and learning. Such is the process we know as life. I'm living proof.