Monday, April 2, 2012

The Fungus Connection

Welcome to April, 2012.  Here comes baseball.  Bring your mitt.  And watch for the spitter.

Still feeling pretty good.  Just wanted to make some quick notes before I try and get some sleep.  Tomorrow's a big day.  Job interview in the afternoon.  A step in the right direction.  I feel good about it; confident.  I think it's a job that I can do.  And I think it will lead to bigger and better things.  Somehow.  It's all going to work out.  I just have a gut feeling on this.

Returning to work is a milestone type of step in my recovery.  I don't think I would have been able to be ready for this transition if I hadn't taken the time and did the work to aid my own recovery.  That meant leaving a secure, well paying job with a lot of benefits.  But the benefit I needed I couldn't get from that job.  So it had to go.  And so did I.  I don't regret leaving the City.  But I wouldn't rule out returning, either.

It's been a rough time, being unemployed the last 20 months, waiting for PERS to make a decision and help us out financially, monitoring my mood and my sleep and my hygiene.  I needed the time to find myself again, to stabilize my medications and my spirit.  I can't tell you what it was that has made me feel whole again, but I don't think it was any one single thing.  It was a lot of things-- regular attendance at support groups; writing and blogging and approaching my dreams of making a career of my writing and art; regular check ups with my doctors and therapists; lots of rest and riding out of depression and the blahs, the muddying of the colors in my world.  I've done a lot of things, stretched myself, put myself out there.  I remember how frightened I was when I first started this blog-- scared that I'd start writing and would overnight lose my privacy to hundreds if not thousands of people clamoring for my autograph.  Now, I would like more people, more traffic at my blog than I've been able to attract and am doing things to try and build a platform and an audience.

It's all a part of the networking, like rivers, or mycelium, or the internet.  A web of connections that holds greater concepts together, makes a fabric of knowledge and wisdom.  We weave with our efforts of living and learning.  Such is the process we know as life.  I'm living proof.


Deb said...

I am glad that you have found your way again. Love you!

Suzy said...

Good work - here's to a new start and new job possibilities. Hurray for finding your way back to you!