Thursday, May 8, 2014

Loving Giving

A state of the union address, from the state of my own head.  How am I doing?  I think I'm doing very well right now.  I have been compliant with my treatment and have stopped drinking.  I'm in an intensive outpatient program and have been attending group therapy sessions.  I'm being creative, making art and writing again.  I'm a pleasure to be around.  (tee hee) I'm making progress on my yards and garden.  I'm helping out with the chores around the house.  I'm cleaning up and organizing the office and garage.  I'm blogging again.

I'm not dwelling on my mistakes.  I'm not dwelling on my expectations, even when they aren't met.  I'm just doing what I know how to do, little bits at a time, so I don't get too overwhelmed.  And it's working.

Whaddaya know.

Is this how it's supposed to go?  What say you, universe?  Is the secret not so secret?  Am I living at the speed and timbre that all things living do it?  Is there really a thing called control?  Or is it another ghost we created in our attempts to be all of it at once? 

My blog is for me and those who know me, primarily.  Others may stumble upon it and maybe even enjoy it.  But I am not going to actively pursue methods of marketing it.  Because it drags me away from the writing, it drags me away from my well-being.  It drags me away from what I'm really trying to do. 

I'm trying to find universal truths here, however I can.  I'm only one tiny spec of perspective in this huge dust cloud of a galaxy in some larger entity's vacuum cleaner.  So I'm gonna play as best I can.  I'm gonna practice and try to give birth to a symphony, and may it be played and lead to more symphonies, if not a whole school of music.  May these songs be sung and played and manipulated and regurgitated like nutritious syrup and enlightened kibble.  May the violins streak naked sonnets across soft meadows of heather and jasmine.  Strings, yes.  Reeds, yes.  All of them, holding hands and playfully galloping over rolling hills.  Maybe even Julie Andrews would be there, before the nodule.

I hope to have more regular attempts writing down some of these endeavors.  I'd like to write a musical.  I'd like to write a song.  I have already written lyrics.  Here they are, to be set to music someday, of course:

“give love”

Love like a painted nickel
Love like a whirling game
Love like it’s meant for nothing
Love by its every name

Give all that you can muster
Give like the southward wind
Give like it doesn’t need you
Give all that you can send

Love one and love another
Love it all and once again
Love like fathers and their daughters
Love whether or not sane

Give to all that fight to matter
Give to all there is no greed
Give to each and every lover
Give until there is no need

Give your love to friend and neighbor
Give your love to everyone
Give your love to foe or stranger
Giving love is never done

I like that song.  I kinda have a way of singing it to myself, but I'm not sharing yet.  I think I might try and write a melody with my nephew this summer.  He's quite musical and creative.

Thanks for reading.

Monday, May 5, 2014

A Post Is a Post

Here's something I posted elsewhere.  I think even though it was in response to somebody else's post, it kinda stands alone.  I guess, however, that I'm quoting myself out of context, which we all know is dangerous.  So there's that.

Begin previous post in 3... 2... 1...   "Thanks for sharing your views without judgement or indictment (unless, of course, you're an asshole). I'll go ahead and share my experience, for what it's worth, and so people can react or ignore or whatever. I was raised for the most part without religion, mainly because A) my dad had bad experiences with the Catholic church, and B) when I was young and identified as "gifted" my mom got advice to "keep him away from religion" and she did. So when I stayed the night at my friend's house, I was uncomfortable and lost when they took me along to church the next morning. But I think I've always been a spiritual being, wondering existentially about my place in the universe and about God. I've come to realize that I do believe in God, but I've yet to determine exactly what that means. I have limited knowledge of the Bible, or other religious texts, for that matter. But the idea that all of this means something greater than I have the faculties to even realize seems somehow right to me. I'm reminded of how I believe that truth is organic, dynamic, and fluid, like light is both a particle and a wave. We are many things, yin and yang, cycling paradoxically. I once read a characterization of the Hindu religion as the oldest religion of the world, yet it is also perhaps the youngest, because it allows for the authority of living teachers and corrections and evolution (paraphrasing the Complete Idiot's Guide). We are all of us moving targets, moving towards moving targets that we just can't quite grasp long enough to fully realize. I too love what little I know about the story of Jesus, and I respect your faith. I honor the passion to live a passionate life, honoring others. I feel like we are on similar paths. But each step we take is our own, as we journey through all of this. Again, thanks for sharing."

As always, I'd love to hear your input.  All comments welcome.