I haven't posted here since end of May. Five months, or so. Seems like longer. Anyway.
I am sharing with you-- those who find me. Those who want to read me without me having to chase you down and slap you on the head with a rolled up manuscript. You don't have to pay to read me here; I create an abundance of love and hope with my words. I spring eternal. I share what I've got.
I share with you an ordinary life. With plenty of extraordinary mixed in. I have amazing dreams. But I also do laundry, brush my teeth (sometimes, anyway) and wipe my nose on my sleeve (when I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt, anyway). I breathe in, breathe out, and hope to traverse the unknown expanse between this so called "reality" and my gorgeously imagined hopes and dreams.
Today I got up with my alarm (not an ordinary experience in and of itself) and proceeded to get out in the back yard and water things. It hasn't rained here in about a month, and before that it had been a few months since it rained. There's still a considerable dew in the mornings though, so things do eke out their existence. It's kind of funny, we were out of town for a family wedding the day that it rained here, so we didn't even experience it. Those who were here said it poured for about a half hour, and that was about it. We were in Portland for my brother-in-law's wedding, so we experienced rain there first hand, of course (that's Oregon for ya...).
So since I wrote last... I've done an extremely small amount of work on my memoir project. I've started reading a few books and even finished one that I had been reading over the last year. I've applied for numerous jobs and even had a few interviews, but still no job offer. I've harvested tomatoes that I grew all by myself, and shared with friends and family. I've written a few letters and made some music mixes for friends and family. I've organized the garage a bit, and helped with two garage sales here, making more room to work with. I've started taking pictures of my junk and posting them on Facebook. (I love how that sounds...) I've won a "diet bet" and $46 plus I lost almost 15 lbs. I've been to Portland. I've gotten a new phone and joined the 21st century technology craze. I've enjoyed recollecting drunken stories with several friends in Minneapolis on speaker phone. I've kept a couple hydreangea plants alive (barely). I've harvested seeds from our tomatoes to plant next year's crop. I've planted a pineapple(!) and I've shaved my head for a Halloween costume.
I've even considered just throwing the entire memoir project in the trash and being done with it. What a release that would be! I would be free to continue to not do it, without all the guilt and pressure to do anymore.
I told Suzy that I was considering it. But I realized at the same time that it's something that I want to do, and something that I think I have to do for my own well-being, and for the well-being of others. I know that I'm a writer, and I know that I have a strong ability to communicate, deeply, about the things that trouble me, or that I feel, in general. I feel a need to share my words with the world, with the universe. I've set up my transmitter and I'm spewing out the gospel, spraying the wisdom around the solar system. Enlightenment set to reach Pluto by 2027!
A little more about the costume-- the party was themed around villains, so I found a fabled villain from Sonic the Hedgehog video game that I already had a resemblance with. A few select items, a bit of glue and tape and even some fishing line, and I became Dr. Eggman, aka Dr. Robotnik. A character with an IQ of 300. (Don't I look smart?)So maybe I will learn something from all of this. Maybe I'm learning that I'm fine. That I'm doing everything that I need to be doing to get things done at the pace that I need to. To be successful and do the things that I want to do, to stay sane, to keep my wife sane, and so forth. Maybe I am doing the best that I can and that is actually perfect. Just maybe.
And maybe I am fucking it all up. But maybe not.
I suppose I should include at least one photo of my junk.
For prosperity's sake.
As always, comments solicited, encouraged, begged for. Let me know what you're thinking. Thanks!
