Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Honoring the Passion

So a new day has dawned.  Well, technically speaking.  It's 12:02 am now, and Wednesday is officially in production.  And so is my blog for the first time in 2016.  Ham and cheese Felipe Alou ya.  (Somewhere in my brain, I just thought of a really creative way to say hallelujah with added colorful metaphors.  And then I put it down in electronic ink for you, my dear avid reader fan.  You're welcome.)

It's been so long since I wrote for the sake of writing.  In an effort to communicate my innermost thoughts and tickle the muse's belly.  Or just to share a concept or observation, and get it out of the para-reality of my mind and manifest it in the written word, and in the greater physical world.  So welcome back me.

Since some time in 2007, I think, I've been sharing musings and photographs and political memes through the Facebook interface.  And it's been mostly fun reconnecting with folks from my past, or just having a common place to go try and connect with people I know, even if some of them I've never actually met in person.

But oftentimes, I was left disappointed by the interaction with people on Facebook.  I had numerous friends from high school that live relatively close to me.  But actually finding time to meet anyone for coffee or a meal or just to chat-- to actually manifest a meeting-- just didn't seem to happen much.  And I have a large number of people that I exchanged contact information with, but didn't end up getting the conversations going or receiving the mail or email or texts that I had hoped.  I was constantly chasing people, it seemed, and not finding what I was looking for.

And I stretched myself to try and get out there more, to broaden my invitations and perspectives so I could better my odds of finding some friends to share my life with.  I was more accepting of people who have opinions counter to mine, and I wanted even to converse about these subjects to hone my own opinions and search for common ground and solutions to the difficulties that we could agree needed our attention. 

But often I found myself making sacrifices and not having my needs met.  I felt like an outsider, like I didn't speak the same language as the others whose friendship I sought.  Continually, I would try to interact, but I would not receive the interactive engagement that I was seeking. 

But some of that is a part of my psychosis.  I tend to take things very personally, even in situations where there was no intent for such thinking on my part.  And it is often hard for me to identify this automatic, distorted thinking at the moment where it occurs.  Oftentimes, it isn't until several hours later that I'm able to reassess things and discover my egregious misunderstandings.

That being said, there also seems to be no shortage of unkind, rude folks out there in cyberworld.  And a strategic encounter with one of them at the precise moment when I am in the throws of a symphony of distorted thinking, well... it can lead to some regretful behavior on my part.

Or, I can withdraw, and initiate a pattern of avoidance that initially feels better, but does nothing to address the issue.  In fact, it ends up exacerbating the problem, because it doesn't go away just by me avoiding it.

Anyway.  At this point in my life, I realize that I am a writer, and an artist, and if I don't commit a significant part of my life towards exploring one or both endeavors, I get sick.  Mentally ill.  And I have been neglecting this in my life as of late.  Even though I think I've done some good work and made inroads on several other fronts in the last year.  It's not enough.  I realize that.  But I also realize that I don't have to fix it all.  I just need to keep trying, as well as acknowledge that I am doing the best that I can, and that that is good enough.  I don't need more pressure to produce some desired results.  I will be my best self by honoring my passion and listening to my heart and intuition and trusting those that I love to help guide me where I need to go.

So basically I'm upbeat and hopeful as the summer is wrapping up and we transition into summer overtime here in the Central Valley.  I have hopes of securing funds that will allow us to initiate plans for our yards and bring a bounty of fruits and vegetables and nuts and spices.  I still hope to have an outdoor movie before the warms evenings have ended.  I have many dreams.

How about you, kind audience?  Can you engage me with your dreams?  What does September hold for you and me?

I look forward to hearing from you.