Looking back over the past couple months, things have been kind of tumultuous. I started a new job, working swing shift hours, disrupting my schedule of sleep and non-working activities. But I still managed to blog a decent amount of time, and got some quality writing done.
I was also disrupted by a trip to Grinnell. It was fun to see friends again, but I partied a bit too hard one of the nights. I hadn't been drinking for about three weeks prior to falling off the wagon at the reunion. I think that has had a lasting psychological effect (negatively) on me. I was feeling very good about myself prior to the trip, ramping up to the scheduled time off. My attendance at work was good, I was in a bit of a rhythm in going and getting through the days/nights whatever they are.
Now I'm in a bit of a rut. Once we got back from Grinnell, I went back to work the first night, and haven't been back since. I've been doing other things-- making arrangements, phone calls, emails, budgeting, work on my book project-- but I'm struggling with continuing with the job. I need to do something different.
I'm sitting here right now, in need of a shower, in need of a haircut, in need of a shave. I'm in a low mood, but I still have energy, so I'm not really depressed. I want to do things like write, garden, fix my house, arrange outside furniture, weed control, landscaping projects, sprinkler installations and adjustments. I want to draw, learn Audacity software, transfer cassette tapes to digital audio. I want to organize my garage, fix my desktop computer, organize my office space. I want to plant a garden, organize my tool shed. I want to live an inspired life.
I made an appointment to speak with an old friend at my former employer. He's in HR there, and can tell me about the possibilities of getting back with the City. I don't know that I can swing it, but I have to try and find out if it's an option for me. I feel like at least the income potential is better than what I've got going currently.
I want to read.
I want to entertain.
I want to have a big party.
Maybe we can have a big ol moving party, sell all our stuff, including the house. Do like an artist would, where he/she gets rid of everything he/she "owns" and release, starting fresh. There was a guy who put all his possessions into a huge shredder a few years back... was it early 2000's? I remember seeing it in the newspaper... Another guy destroyed all the art that he had created up to that point in his life-- burned it. What's his name... the guy who puts the dots over people's faces in pictures...
There's something liberating about that. Letting go of everything, little things that you've carried with you for so long that you don't remember where you got it-- or things that you hold so dear for whatever reason, something from your childhood that you take great comfort in retaining. Say goodbye to it all, release the energy, the built up potential of your longing ego. Let it go. Shed your skin. And you are born anew.