Hey. I know how to do this.
It's like riding a bike. Once you got it down and do it right, you don't forget, even if you don't ride for a few years.
Bet you never heard that one before.
I'm trying to win my own attention. I'm trying to build up my confidence in myself and my abilities. I'm trying to get back to being happy with who I am.
Ride along with me on this odyssey of life, a bipolar one to boot. Great flux of emotion, ebbing and flowing like the tides.
Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. Just hang on; You'll be fine.
I was noticing the other day how brightly certain buildings shone in my vision, as if freshly painted. Upon further investigation, I concluded that the paint jobs were not new. My guess is that what changed was my perspective. Or my vision. Or my brain chemistry.
One of the above, anyway.
Could changes in medication actually produce such a phenomenon? That's my guess. When you feel good, things look better, smell better. That's kind of what happened, I think. My outlook was more bright, and so I saw some colors more brightly.
I'm waking up to a new phase in my life. I'm becoming the special perfection that I seek. I'm becoming into being. I'm balancing on two wheels, and ringing the bell.
There's so much to consider these days-- nutrition, exercise, charity, work, relationships, politics... And yet, I tend to consider myself the most, and I judge with a stern finger.
Tama Kieves is a motivational speaker/writer that has helped me to fine tune my perception in recent years. She speaks of the inner light that shines in everyone, and how liberating that personal energy is the stuff of magic. Finding your path is a matter of allowing yourself the love and understanding to do what it is that you are meant to do. Getting out of your own way. Loving the moment. I tell ya, I'm gonna read her book or something one of these days. I loaned it to my sister and she enjoyed it, but I have yet to get the book back from her... Meanwhile, I follow Tama on Facebook. Her first book is called "This Time I Dance." She has a new one coming out soon-- next year, I think?
I'm trying to get to my most inspirational self. My strongest, most confident self. It's a process of doing these sort of exercises, where I type out what's on my mind and grapple with issues that are swimming around in there. I try to get at the core issues and have some fun. Fun is good, y'know.
I tend to want perfection when I write-- so that every phrase I turn elicits severe emotion and rapture. I need to loosen it up a bit. Whop bop a loo bop. A whop bam boom.
I'm trying to be creative, wrap up new presents to be gifted to my reader. Trying to remember what I've learned from the past, all the writing trade secrets and so forth.
I want to inspire. I want to make friends. I want to dig out the splinters and salve the wound.
There is a way for me to get where I'm trying to go. And you know what? I'm on the path. You may even know better than I do that I'm on the right path. All will be well, just trust your self love, and love yourself, and you'll find your way. Through darkness and twists and turns and mud. Ooo, squishy.
I will continue to build my trust in myself. I may even find it interesting. Perhaps you will too.