The Fungus Connection

Welcome to April, 2012.  Here comes baseball.  Bring your mitt.  And watch for the spitter.

Still feeling pretty good.  Just wanted to make some quick notes before I try and get some sleep.  Tomorrow's a big day.  Job interview in the afternoon.  A step in the right direction.  I feel good about it; confident.  I think it's a job that I can do.  And I think it will lead to bigger and better things.  Somehow.  It's all going to work out.  I just have a gut feeling on this.

Returning to work is a milestone type of step in my recovery.  I don't think I would have been able to be ready for this transition if I hadn't taken the time and did the work to aid my own recovery.  That meant leaving a secure, well paying job with a lot of benefits.  But the benefit I needed I couldn't get from that job.  So it had to go.  And so did I.  I don't regret leaving the City.  But I wouldn't rule out returning, either.

It's been a rough time, being unemployed the last 20 months, waiting for PERS to make a decision and help us out financially, monitoring my mood and my sleep and my hygiene.  I needed the time to find myself again, to stabilize my medications and my spirit.  I can't tell you what it was that has made me feel whole again, but I don't think it was any one single thing.  It was a lot of things-- regular attendance at support groups; writing and blogging and approaching my dreams of making a career of my writing and art; regular check ups with my doctors and therapists; lots of rest and riding out of depression and the blahs, the muddying of the colors in my world.  I've done a lot of things, stretched myself, put myself out there.  I remember how frightened I was when I first started this blog-- scared that I'd start writing and would overnight lose my privacy to hundreds if not thousands of people clamoring for my autograph.  Now, I would like more people, more traffic at my blog than I've been able to attract and am doing things to try and build a platform and an audience.

It's all a part of the networking, like rivers, or mycelium, or the internet.  A web of connections that holds greater concepts together, makes a fabric of knowledge and wisdom.  We weave with our efforts of living and learning.  Such is the process we know as life.  I'm living proof.