Mikey Likes It. Still.

This one's for the tallest kid in the class.

Whatever that means.

"I don't like Reggae.  I love it..."  So the song goes.  I thought about making a list of things that I like, regardless of how it may work against me.  And that song popped into my mind.  Yeah, I really like it.  It's catchy and a good refrain.  Don't know a lot about it, like who sings it, for instance.  But I like it.

I also like beer and pizza.  I like warm, dry socks in the winter.  I like beer.  I like repeating myself.  I like reproductive rights.  Equality.  Orange soda.  Cuddling.

I like not turning my blog into an E-Harmony ad.

I like storytellers.  I like narrative style, and the oral tradition.  I like sexual innuendo.  Most of the time.

I never really liked Andrew Dice Clay.  Didn't really "get" him.  But I like Lewis Black.

I really liked how I felt while tripping on magic mushrooms.  I like that sustained, "spiritually at peace" feeling.  I used to have it more often when I was younger and of fresher perspective.  But I still have it occasionally.  I haven't done illicit drugs in many years.  But I'm still on drugs, psychoactive ones at that, right now.  I don't really "like" them, but I tolerate them.  They do seem to help me some, in a way that brings me more success and less crisis.

I like friendships.  I like hanging out, joking around, laughing it up with friends.  I like sporting events.  I like family.  I like eating.  Almost anything, really.

But this isn't just about me.  What do you like?  Who are you, and what do you like, about yourself, about the world, about this blog?  What brings you pleasure?

I like dogs.  I like being clean-shaven, but I hate shaving.  I like getting mail from friends and family-- y'know, letters and stuff.  Like in the olden days, before all of this electronic stuff.  But I like getting email, too.  But not spam.

I like Life cereal.  It's true.  But I rarely eat it.  I like grits, and linguica, and eggs over easy.  And toast.

I like doing the work.  I like working for a few hours, then stepping back and regarding the progress.  Admiring it.  I like progress.

Tomorrow I'm driving up into the Santa Cruz mountains and attending a writer's workshop.  Three hours of intensive work towards writing my book and getting it published.

I like that.

Do What You're Supposed To

I just dared myself to write something.  Anything.  Because it doesn't matter what I can think of if I don't write it down.

Writing sustains and endures.  Thinking fogs and scrambles, mangles great ideas.

You gotta do it.  You gotta get those hammers throwing.  In the old days, that's how it used to be, tossing manual typewriter keys up at the paper, one at a time.  Because if you tried to go too fast, the keys would get tangled and stick together, or stick to the paper or the typewriter ribbon.

Not that I had a lot of experience with that.  I'm not THAT old.  But I did attempt to type a report when I was in the fourth grade.  I thought that typing it would make it more impressive.  Well, I waited too long to get it done, and my mom had to bail me out.  She was a much better typist than I was, at least at the time.  So I struggled and got about half done, and mom finished up and even sent a note along with me and my report, disclosing that she had finished up the typing for me.  I felt somewhat a failure but it wasn't a total disaster.  And I got a perfect 100 out of 100 for a grade.

But the worst part was that my classmate got a score of 110.  How in the world?  I couldn't imagine even how that was possible.  The scale didn't even go up that high!  How could he have done more than perfect?

Somehow, my 100 didn't feel so perfect for very long.

But that was fourth grade, when life was still full of magic and wonder.  Today, I'd cherish a 100 out of 100, regardless of what others did.

Life doesn't seem to have those easy scores, slam dunks.  Things are so much more complicated.  And it's probably because I've done so much thinking.  I'm tangled up in my own string.

I didn't even really realize that your own thinking can hurt you.  But it's true.  You have to work at your thinking or it gets undisciplined and clouded.  Your emotions can blur rational thought.  So even though something seems logical, it actually, after further scrutiny, doesn't measure up.

There are lots of ways that we skew our thinking, though.  We exaggerate for greater effect.  We rationalize with facts and figures and paint elaborate dioramas to explain, when the simple truth goes ignored.  This is at the heart of many a mental illness.

Some of it doesn't occur of our own volition.  The medical model tries to explain that there are chemical reactions that take place that drive our thinking and perception and that operate on a level beyond the control of the individual mind.

I don't know if I believe that.  I'm still trying to figure it out.  Am I just an organism controlled by chemistry and biology?  I don't think so.  There's more to it than that.

I think that my habit of thinking and questioning and deciding for myself is a process that should be encouraged.  Figure it out for yourself and you'll feel better.  Get help if you need it, take in information,  but evaluate it, consider the source, put some weight to it, and keep going.

But keep going.  Don't dawdle around thinking you got it figured all out, because you don't.  No, you don't.  Because the answer is not a set target.  It moves.  We're all in motion.  Oh yeah.  You're going somewhere, even though you might think you're attached to your chair.  You've got swooshing blood and pulsing organs and you're thinking you're something you're not.  You're more than all those parts that you can list, alphabetically if you're inclined.

And so am I.  So are we.  You and me?  And all these other glorious idiots?  We're all made of the same stuff.  And we are One.  The collective diversity.  Both the source and the container.  The Holy Singularity.  All of us.  Uno.

The same crazy crackheads that design our freeway systems think at speeds and in diagrams that mimic the webs of spiders and mycelium networks in fungi.  There is brilliance everywhere the eye is turned.  We are doing what needs to be done.  There is this purpose towards which we all strive, and our hearts yearn to realize.

And that is it.  That is the purpose.  To live, and to love.  And even to die.  But to love-- that is the greatest.  Honor that purpose.  Love like you mean it.  And the accountants will figure out how to balance the spreadsheet.  Just love, people.  Love.

I love you.

Books on My Theoretical Nightstand

So it's kinda like a power outage used to be.  Can't get onto facebook for whatever reason, so I'm suddenly flush with opportunity.  Why not write a blog entry?

I'm still getting the word out about my book, The Raging, Flaming Goat of Samos, and I'm still selling copies.  It's not jumping off the shelves, but it is moving.  Met a former coworker today who said she'd get 3 copies from Amazon.  So onward goes the flow of this business...  Gonna do a book signing at Mom's house in Escalon on Nov. 10th, and another one at our house in Santa Clara on Dec. 2nd.  Should be fun.  And we're sure to have food and drinks available.

I don't really feel much else driving me to write about it.  Is this was writer's block feels like?  I could go on about the daily mundane this and that, but then, I want to attract people to this blog, not repel them.  So maybe I need to do an exercise of some sort.  It's been a long time since I did a "Journal Jar" prompt-- because I did all of the ones that I had.  Please give me a moment to produce a writer's prompt...

Oh yeah, before I go off on a wild lemur chase, I was planning on talking about the book that I got recently at the recommendation of one of my colleagues from the writing group I've been attending at Stanford.  It's called "Am I Bipolar or Waking Up?" by Sean Blackwell, and I'm itching to get started.  Yet another book to start.  Maybe I should try and finish one sometime soon.  Here's my list of recently (sort of) started but as yet to finish books:

1.  "On Writing" by Steven King
2.  "The Man Behind the Microchip" by Leslie Berlin
3.  "Finding Our Way" by Barry W. Holtz
4.  "Finding Your Bipolar Muse" by Lana R. Castle
5.  "Henry Miller on Writing," edited by Thomas H. Moore
6.  "Food Not Lawns" by H.C. Flores
7.  "Psilocybin Mushrooms of the World" by Paul Stamets

I'm sure I have more starts among my shelves, but these are the most recent ones I've tried to embark upon but haven't had the follow-through tenacity to get any of them "done."  Although, really, I read most of the actual reading material in the Stamets book, and just didn't read the field/identification guide page by page.  So maybe that one shouldn't be on this list.

 I read about two fifths of the bipolar book before I had to return it to the library.  I like it and have since purchased my own copy, but I haven't been reading much and it is just sitting there.  My mom read it, however, and really liked it-- filled it with sticky notes and bought me a new copy so she could keep it for herself, along with her notes.  My copy was used, but she bought me a new spanking one.  Brand spanking new, that is, just so there's no confusion.  It's been years since she spanked me.  At least a couple.

I've also put in some time with "Food Not Lawns," and it's been inspiring, if not daunting and overwhelming.  I would love to enlist the principles it cites and get my yards producing food for me and my family and community, instead of just sucking money from my bank account, watering a lawn that is primarily for looks only.  But, I'm handcuffed by my idealism, and my wife is not real patient with me and my half- to less-than-half- started projects.  And who can blame her?  Everything I do seems to come about out of process, and that process is ongoing.  I only try to approach mastery, I never seem to attain it.

"The Man Behind the Microchip" is a book I gave to my dad for Christmas in 2005.  It's about Robert Noyce, a man that connects my dad and I through Noyce's life and accomplishments.  My dad met Noyce as an employee at Intel in the early days of its inception.  I'm connected to Noyce because he was from Grinnell and is quite a presence at the college that I attended there.  Noyce and I are alumni.  But my dad met him, and worked for him.  Dad read the book and recommended that I read it, and even though I have wanted to, I just haven't made the time and effort to get it done.  Such is life.  Maybe as the weather changes to cooler and/or rainy I'll find myself with more time to just read.  But then again...  I guess we'll just have to see.

Catching Up With Self

Haven't been writing here lately.  By "here" I mean this blog.  I've still been writing-- I'm back at the Stanford writing group that meets on Mondays, where we write on different subjects for a couple hours, almost.  We also discuss and read what we write.  I really like the group, there are some very interesting people there.  So I think it does me well to keep going to the group.

I have also started rehashing my book-- the one that deals with my Greece experiences, and perhaps my recovery journey.  I haven't decided on the scope just yet, still trying to get down the basics and organize things.  I've probably got about 50 pages so far of raw ideas and basic chronology.  It will come along as I work on it, taking time to get it "right" to my standards, or maybe a bit below, depending on when I want it done by...  I don't really have a deadline set for it, so it's still easy to blow it off for another day.  I did walk down to my neighborhood Starbucks twice this last week and wrote/edited/organized.  So I feel a sense of accomplishment there.

I also started considering going back to school.  To taking a language course to finish up my degree requirement.  I think I will start with an email to the professor that I have worked with in the past to see what she suggests.  She's at Mission College so that's pretty convenient. 

I'm also considering talking to my former employer about working on a temporary basis, doing what I used to be doing.  I'd probably only work 2-3 days a week at the most, but it would be some income and some needed exercise.  Don't know if they'll go for it, but I won't know unless I ask.  So I think I'll go and ask, probably tomorrow morning.

Meanwhile, we're full-on into our forbearance plan with our bank for our mortgage.  The new payment amount will be coming out on the 7th of September, if all goes well.  I hope that Wells Fargo works with us fairly.  I'm a little wary about them, but I have hope.  I think we'll end up working something out that lets us keep the house, but I still worry that they'll just set us up and then foreclose on us.  I don't think that foreclosure is good for either party, and as long as we're working to pay them something, even if it isn't the whole payment, that should be enough to stay the tide.  That's my hope.

So yeah, got a lot going on as usual.  Suzy has started a Pampered Chef business and is off doing a presentation right now.  Send her good vibes... She was a little nervous beforehand, as she is doing something new and stretching herself outside of her comfort zone.  So good for her.  She's awesome.  May she stay healthy and happy.  And may I stay in her favor.

Speaking of which, I think I oughta get out from underneath this here laptop and get outside.  It's a bee-you-tea-full day and there's yard work to be done.  So on with the show!

Endure To Cure, End The Cancer

Pretty successful year for the Relay For Life of Cupertino, wouldn't cha say?

If only because I made the newspaper...

Our team, "ETC, ETC" is currently in 3rd place for fundraising.  I developed the name, and continue to tout it and work on making improvements... it's the perfectionist in me.  But anyway... the letters currently stand for "Embracing the Challenge, Enabling the Cure," but I'm thinking of something new for next year.  And you already read it in the title of this here blog!  Surprise!

Endure to Cure.  That's what we're doing.  We are pushing through the boundaries, through the tough crap that isn't acceptable.  We want better for our loved ones.  For our friends and family.  We want to kick this stinking disease, and we're not stopping until we do.  We come together and unify as one under this cause, and we endure to cure.  Through the heat and the rain, through the sickness and health, through the dusty winds and the apathy and hopelessness, we endure.  Through it all.  More examples?  Etc., etc...

So I was thinking that ETC ETC stands for a lot of things, and even for some that we haven't realized yet.  So maybe we can have a contest, or at least play the game of coming up with combinations of what ETC stands for.  End The Cancer.  Endure To Cure.  Embrace The Challenge.  Enable The Cure.  Those we know; what else is out there?  Maybe figuring out more things that ETC stands for is part of our battle?  Can we come together on this?

I think it could be fun.  Exit The Colon, for example.

Eject Tape Concept.  Do kids know about that?

Ergo Titular Creatus.  Whatever that means...

So have some fun with it.  (First person to use the word "crap" gets some cheap "Made in China" stuff)

What's That Around the Corner?

So I'm getting the word out slowly that I'm a published author.  I have my name in print.

You haven't heard?  Please, tell everyone you know.  And buy my book.  It's only ten bucks.

But I'm already thinking... what's next?

I had one person tell me that after reading my book, he was left wanting more.  I didn't get to press him about this observation.  But maybe he just wants another book?

I think it would be fun to develop the story of the Wild Cat of Samos more, to entail more of the legend that it became while we told the story over and over during our trip to Samos.  The initial story is phenomenal enough, with it's caped avenger, cyclops of a brother, and menacing cat.

But maybe there's another story out there.

I do have choices.  For example, I've done a fair amount of work on my memoir of the Greece experience.  That's a project that would provide good therapy to see through to culmination, perhaps tracing my self-development (or rehabilitation) through the recovery process, with all it's turns and tosses.  I could bring the story to the present day, where I am finding my voice and advocating for mental wellness and acceptance.  That's a distinct possibility that offers some juicy, salivating grub for these writing chops.

And I still have my fiction, that's more than twenty years old.  Thistle Penn and his fabled existence.  Where is he, exactly?  And what is he?  Will he be knocking on my door in the near future, trying to find some sustenance?  And who is he traveling with these days?  It's been a long time since I kept track of his pursuits.  Does he even own a suit?

As for the right now, I'm sitting on the couch with my laptop, drinking a beer, and wondering what in tarnation I'm going to eat for dinner this evening.  My wife has left to go see a movie with her family.  I was not invited.  Not that I would have gone... I've never heard of the movie.  I might just settle in with some comfort food-- like a box of mac and cheese-- and watch some Netflix...  Or I could get outside and do more gardening/landscaping, nature-loving and dirt-worshiping...  I've got more seeds to plant and pray over, because I don't know if it will take a miracle to get some of them to grow...  Or there's plenty of books to read.  I've dipped my toes in several books and haven't gotten back to them over the past several months.  The one on top of my stack is Steven King's "On Writing," which is a great title.  In fact, I believe I used it as one of my blog titles.  Great minds think alike.

So who knows where this evening goes?  Certainly not me.  I be ridin' the current, floatin' on down the river.  Gots my cooler packed and ready.  Gonna be a good ride.

Thanks for taggin' along.

Come, Find Me

I've been wondering about my blog interface.  How I connect with people out there who might be looking to read and/or discuss the things that I want to write and/or discuss.  How can I best accommodate my readers?

I guess I'd like to just issue an invitation to start reading at whatever point you feel comfortable.  I write about what is capturing my attention at the moment, and so that can be defined broadly over time.  You might want to try picking a year and going through the old blog titles and starting with one that seems interesting to you.  I've made some effort to link some of the blog entries that are connected in subject matter, so you can get some suggested reading that way.

The other thing you can try is to use the search box at the top of the blog.  Type in something and see if something comes up.  (I think I have written something about something...) 

The thing is, even if you're a slow reader like I am, there are only about 200 blog posts, so you could conceivably read one post a day, maybe more if you're enticed, and catch up relatively quickly.  Or maybe you just save the older stuff for when you have more time and just try to keep up with what I'm doing right now.  I'll continue to try and put things together so that the projects I'm working on will take shape and make more sense and gain ease of access and the like.  Your suggestions and comments are welcome.  Please help me to be a better person-- it is my aim in life to improve myself and the world that we live in.

So if there's something you'd like to discuss, mention it to me and I'll see what I can find out.  I'll even do some research every now and then.  Just remember, this is a conversation.  It's an organic process, dynamic in nature.  There is ebb and flow.  We are both riding this energy, traversing the cosmos.  We improve exponentially, like a web of intricate consciousness.  So if you wonder about something... put it out there.  And see what happens.